Friday, November 25, 2011

Hurt and betrayed

Nikki, the girl I like, admitted to me tonight that she likes me but she chose Aaron because he's the safe choice.
She asked me why I was so distant and seemed upset that she is with Aaron. This was my response: "I'm glad that you're happy. I'm not upset that you're with him. I'm not jealous either. I'm hurt. You flirted with me. You cuddled with me. We talked all the time. We told each other some pretty personal stuff. You slept next to me on the couch. There's pictures of us from the cast party. Before you said that you like Aaron everyone thought you liked me. What was I supposed to think?"

Her response: I'm very sorry Taylor. I didn't mean to lead you on. And I do like you. I just didn't think it would be fair to you that I couldn't tell my parents about you if anything happened between us. I thought you deserved better than to be someone's secret."
Then why didn't you just say that?!?!?!?!?! I told her about Jessi for a reason. I let her know that I had been hurt in the past hoping that she would try not to hurt me. I wish she would have been honest with me. Families who don't approve of homosexuality come with the territory. I have dealt with it before. I would have understood why nothing could happen between us. Being a secret is a deal breaker for me. I won't do that again. Instead of being honest with me, she decided to continue to lead me on because she didn't know how to tell me that her family doesn't approve.
By trying to protect me, she ended up hurting me. I told her about my past with dating. My heart got broken by the girl I was falling in love with and every time I get close to girlfriend potential it's ripped away from me. I'm an upfront and honest person. I try to be that way so that the girls I am interested in will feel more comfortable with being upfront and honest with me. If you're not into me I would rather find out sooner than later. If you are into me but our relationship would have to be a secret, I would rather find out sooner than later.
Frustrated and pissed off doesn't even begin to cover what I am feeling right now. Knowing a girl is into you but she chose the guy because he is the safe choice is honestly one of the most hurtful situations I have been in. Jessi telling me she didn't really love me, she only said it because I was upset at the time is the only time that I felt more hurt and betrayed than I am feeling right now.


  1. It sounds to me that you dodged a bullet here - I mean, do you want to be with someone who is going to hide your relationship from other people?

  2. Did you read the part where I said being a secret is a deal breaker? I was with someone who had to hide our relationship. It hurt me more than I ever thought it would. I have vowed to never do it again. If she would have been honest with me this whole thing never would have happened.

  3. I get it now. I agree - she should have been upfront and honest with you and not led you on. I'm sorry that happened to you.

  4. It's not the first time this has happened and it probably won't be the last. I'm hoping that having this happen over and over means that eventually I'm going to find the kind of love that some people can only dream about.

  5. Taylor-She's out there and you'll find her eventually. Unfortunately there are a lot of crappy people out there who will hurt you :-(