Some things have happened in my life that are helping me reassess where I'm at and where I want to be.
Ever since I transferred to Simpson College I don't feel like I belong when I'm with my friends from Dmacc. They're immature, petty, and all around people that I don't really want to be friends with.
Example: Lance verbally attacked me. I thought he was my friend. No one stood up for me. I thought a few of them were my friends but apparently I was wrong. I was accused of trying to go behind a good friend's back and ruin his love life.
Well, he got the girl so I guess my opinion really didn't matter. It shouldn't!! I know that Nikki and Aaron's relationship is none of my business. I did have an opinion and I let it be known. That doesn't mean that I was trying to ruin Aaron's love life. I want him to be happy, I want him to have a girlfriend. I've offered to go out with him to meet girls. I don't understand why my "friends" think that I'm trying to steal Nikki from him. I just don't think that they are right for each other. I know Aaron very well and he's not the kind of guy that Nikki needs. I'm also not saying that I would be a good option either. Honestly, you guys should know me well enough by now to know that I'm blunt and I tell it like it is. Nikki has low self-esteem issues. Remember what happened the last time I dated a girl with low self-esteem issues? My ass got dumped. I don't even touch that anymore.
Yeah, I liked Nikki but I don't know her well enough to know if I had real feelings for her or if I liked her because we have so much in common. Yes, I'm speaking in the past tense now. I can do better. I don't deserve to be in a relationship full of insecurity. If a girl isn't confident in herself is she going to be confident anywhere else in her life? If you can't love yourself then how do you expect someone else to love you.
Last Thursday we had a Thanksgiving get together. I'm still friends with some people in the group. It's just a few people and my so-called best friend of whom I am no longer a fan. All of us were in the basement of Aaron's place and it occurred to me that I am on a completely different level. I don't fit with them anymore. Alex and I used to be inseparable. Now we sit across the room from each other and if we do speak our words are laced with sarcasm and it's almost like we loathe the presence of the other. I have lost track of all of the things that drive her nuts. It's easier to make a list of things that don't. She's a really angry and negative person. I'm generally not.
I'm at the point where I'm still meeting people at Simpson but I don't fit in with my friends from Dmacc anymore. I'm kinda in between right now. I do have a few good friends at school and I know that if I have trouble adjusting I can go to one of them or I can go to one of my teachers. The faculty at Simpson are wonderful.
I'm maturing and wanting to get away from the pettiness and the drama. I'm finding out who my real friends are. I welcome the growth and the change. Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones (A Des Moines, Iowa native) tweeted me this piece of advice "Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." I'm choosing to grow. If that means that certain people don't fit in my life anymore then so be it. I don't need them holding me back.
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