Saturday, January 29, 2011



Amanda and I decided to just say 'Fuck it' and go to the concert anyway. It's Idina Menzel! We are both in love with her and this kind of opportunity doesn't come around very often. We are going for it. We're young and we're allowed to make decisions like this.
The only problem will be my drive home. Hopefully, I can survive the 8 hour drive home after the concert. I have 12 hours to drive it so I can make stops for food and to get out and walk around to keep myself awake. My mom isn't too happy about the idea of me driving 2 states away by myself but I'm doing it anyway. The tickets are already paid for, I can't back out now. I'll miss school Wednesday and Thursday but I already checked and I won't be missing anything important. The only thing I have to do is go to play rehearsal Thursday afternoon.

I've kinda done this before. I pulled an all-nighter in May during finals week and then went to the Taylor Swift concert and didn't go to bed until 2 o'clock in the morning. I was up for way more than 24 hours. If I get home early enough I can take a nap before rehearsal. Don't underestimate the power of a 20 year old body!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I feel like an idiot

As my title says, I feel like an idiot. The person I have been looking for in all the wrong places has been right in front of my face for months. I have known her for almost a year and she has been a great friend and confidant. She is often the first person I tell things to. Jessi introduced us to each other and I felt an instant connection with her. We were both in relationships at the time and became fast friends. She helped me when Jessi broke up with me and I helped her when her long-term girlfriend broke up with her. We were there for each other. Over the past few months our conversations have become more intimate and personal. I've told her things that only my best friends know about me. She just seems to get me. I never have to explain myself to her and talking to her is so easy.
One weekend in November we had a marathon texting session over 3 days. We texted all day about all sorts of things. I asked her for some advice because I haven't had much luck with girls since Jessi and I broke up. She told me to stop looking and just let her find me but also not to overlook someone already in my life. I wasn't sure what she meant by that but in the back of my mind I was wondering if she was talking about herself. I played around with the idea of us dating in my head but I kept it at a distance because we live 8 hours away from each other. That same weekend she brought up the idea of us possibly meeting. I thought it was a great idea. We both love roadtrips and yeah 8 hours in a car is a lot but it would be worth it. When I started talking to Whitney I told her how old Whitney is and her only response was that she thinks I should be with someone older. Again, I thought to myself that she trying to give me a hint. When she started seeing someone I put the idea away. To be honest, hearing her talk about how much fun she was having with this girl wasn't something I really enjoyed hearing about. I was happy for her but I didn't ask about the new girl like most friends would.
Then a few weeks ago she discovered her love for musical theater. I have been in love with musical theater for years. I was so excited to finally have someone who understands my love for Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth! She was disappointed that the Wicked tour had been in her area only weeks before and she missed it. I told her that she could wait until it came back around or take a trip to NYC to see it on Broadway. She invited me to go to NYC with her! We would see the show and the city because neither one of us has been to the city. She also wanted me to go to an Idina Menzel concert with her in Indianapolis in March but I can't because of school.
The other night we had a pretty awesome conversation on facebook chat. I had mentioned to a friend that she and I are perfect for each other except we live 8 hours away. My friend told me to bring it up but I wasn't sure how to go about doing it. I usually don't hold back when I have something on my mind but this was an exception. There were too many questions and I didn't want to be disappointed. I've had enough disappointment. To my relief and complete shock, she brought up the idea of us dating. I wasn't completely shocked but I was definitely caught off guard. I know I had been bouncing the idea around but I wasn't sure if it was just an idea or if there was something real between us. I hope its real but even if it's not I still have a great friend.
So I feel like an idiot. The perfect girl for me has been right in front of my face and giving me hints for months. I really hope she's it.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Back to School and some nonsense

I go back to school tomorrow!!! I'm am so excited for this semester. I have been since November. I have so many things that I get to do!
I am taking an acting class.
I am taking Spanish 2 as a review because I've been out of practice since high school.
I am taking the second semester of General Biology. Hopefully this teacher knows how to write tests so the whole class doesn't fail them.
The Phi Theta Kappa Iowa Spring regional and the 93rd Annual International convention in Seattle take place this semester.
An lgbt club is getting started on my school campus.
I am cast in two plays. I have the script for the Spring Campaign Production titled Carpathia. It's the story of the Titanic from the point of view of the passengers aboard the Carpathia that night. The director wrote it so don't try to look it up. It's a Monty Python type British comedy. I play the domestic servant with an acerbic tongue, world-weary and given to petty theft. Bridget Stuffy is harsh and severe. So basically I get to yell the whole time. I also get to be high from eating berries on a deserted island for an entire scene.
The student written and produced play is titled White Picket Fence. Its kind of like a romantic comedy. My character ends up with the guy in the end. I have to wear a skirt and I have no idea how I'm going climb over a fence in a skirt.

Now on to the nonsense.
Things were going great with Whitney up until Tuesday. She just stopped talking to me without an explanation. I finally got her to talk to me on Friday after I told her she was rude and hurtful. She said she needed some time to figure things out and she still wanted to be friends. I can't even get her to talk to me as a friend.
I facebook chatted with a friend who I met through her and she explained that Whitney does that all the time. She's cool to be friends with but she's super confusing if you want to be more than friends. She told me to move on and let Whitney come to me when she's ready. If it's meant to be then it'll happen but if not then I'm not going to get hurt because I'm not trying to get with her. I still like her but I don't know if she's the right girl for me. I don't know if I'm the right girl for her. Usually if someone is right for you then it's completely different. You don't play games or mess with their head. Hopefully, my one is out there and I'll find her when the time is right. The only thing I can do now is keep looking.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year 2011

My last day of 2010 ended up being a good one that led right into my first day of 2011. If the way I spent New Year's eve is any reflection on how 2011 is going to be then it's going to be a great year!
I took Whitney out on a date. I paid :) Some of her friends work at the restaurant we went to so I got to meet a few of them. They seem pretty cool but having 4 extra people at our table towards the end of dinner wasn't really what I had in mind for a first date.
Her friends were having a New Year's get together/party and Whitney wanted to at least make an appearance. We didn't stay very long. It was kind of boring and all most of them wanted to do was sit and smoke weed. I'm not really into that and Whitney knows this so we got out of there. My friend Becca invited me to the party at her boyfriend Justin's house. Becca and Justin were the only people I knew but it didn't take me long to meet everyone else. This party was way more fun. Everyone was so much more approachable and just fun to be around. Whitney looked like she was having fun.
Screw the freakin butterflies. It felt like I had birds flying around in my stomach last night. I didn't have feelings this strong so soon even with Jessi. It's kind of freaking me out. Have you ever wanted to kiss someone so bad it hurts? Like it physically hurts? She wouldn't let me kiss her because she doesn't like to kiss on the first date and I can respect that but it is not easy to deal with. When I dropped her off before heading home I missed her instantly.
We talked when I got home and we're gonna take things pretty slow. She scares easily and I don't want to push her away. We've both been hurt. I've only known leaps and bounds into a relationship because Jessi moved so fast and I didn't want to lose her. Taking things slow is gonna be new to me. Whit is gonna help me and we'll figure it out.

My Year in Review 2010

Alot has happened over the past year. 2010 was kind of a crappy year for me but I think it was for a lot of people.

1)Spring semester started and with it came a whole new group of people to come out to. At this point in my life I made it very obvious that I am gay by what I wore. Apparently, some people don't pay much attention (straight guys). It was so frustrating to me that people thought I was straight. :(
2) I was invited to join the Phi Theta Kappa International Honors Society of the two-year college. This was something I worked very hard to earn and when my invite came in the mail I was so excited! :)
Life: 1 Taylor: 1

1)My bedroom was finally completed after 10 months of not having a functioning bedroom! :)
2)My 6 month coming out anniversary! By this time I had come out to just about everyone. :)
3) I met an amazing girl, Jessi. She made me smile, laugh and enjoy life more. :)
Life: 0 Taylor: 3

1)I was dating Jessi and things were going great. :)
2)I came out to my extended family. Most of them found out over facebook when I started dating Jessi. :)
Life:0 Taylor: 2

1)Jessi and I celebrated our one month anniversary. :)
2)Jessi broke my heart. Not only that but she was unnecessarily mean to me. :(
Life: 1 Taylor: 1

1)I went to the Taylor Swift concert! :)
2)I tried to go on a date to help me get over Jessi. It didn't turn out so well. She didn't call me back. :(
3)I turned 20! I got a guitar. :)
4)I met another girl who was a ton of fun. However, we weren't looking for the same thing. :(
5)Jessi and I started talking as friends. At this point :)
Life: 2 Taylor: 3

1)I got my first job. :)
2)I spent alot of time with my ladybug :)
3)I met yet another girl. She seemed pretty cool at first but then not really. :(
4)I was trying to be friends with Jessi but I was only getting hurt. :(
Life: 2 Taylor: 2

1)I came out at work and I didn't recieve any negative feedback. :)
2)Still trying to be friends with Jessi :(
3)Realizing that I hate her and I have a reason :(
Life: 2 Taylor: 1

1)I hung out with my friends alot before they went back to school. :)
2)I spent alot more time with my ladybug :)
3)I was talking to a girl, Stefany, for a while. She wasn't honest with me so I broke things off. :(
4)Trying not to figure out why Jessi wanted to be friends :(
Life: 2 Taylor: 2

1)Fall semester was getting started and I was loving my classes. :)
2)I started talking to Corinne. We were both interested in dating. Two weeks later she told me she has a girlfriend. :(
Life: 1 Taylor: 1

1)I decided to be friends with Corinne. :)
2)I visited her in Omaha and I had a blast. :)
3)I told Jessi to get out of my life because being friends with her is not possible :)
4)I went on a date with a girl named Jessica. There was no chemistry almost instantly. I'm on of those girls that just knows if I am attracted to someone right away. :(
Life: 1 Taylor: 3

1)I was crushing hard on Christine in my chem class. She's straight. :(
2)I got a speeding ticket. That was a $114 lesson I will only have to learn once. :(
3)I was cast in the spring play at school! :)
4)Jessi texted me just to see if I would react. I didn't :(
Life: 3 Taylor: 1

1)I was interviewed for the school paper and the article was published. :)
2)A girl who goes to my school saw the article and added me on facebook. We talked all day. She waited until 11pm to tell me she had a girlfriend. :(
3)Beautiful little Janae recieved her angelic wings :(
4)I met Whitney. I took her out on a date and we had a really great time. :)
Life: 2 Taylor: 2

Life: 16 Taylor: 22

I try not to dwell on the bad but this year it kept slapping me in the face. Hopefully, 2011 will be better. I have a feeling it will be :)