Done

J and I are done.
We are taking some time apart which means we aren't talking or texting until this fall when she moves down here for school. It just wasn't working.
Hopefully, we will have both healed enough to be friends.
I would rather be friends than nothing at all. We have a lot of the same interests and I think we would work better as friends. I care about her a lot and I don't like cutting people out of my life if I don't have to.

NO TIME!!!

I literally have had no time to blog these past couple weeks. The only reason I have time now is because I don't want to go to bed. I am up. I am wired. And I might as well get stuff done now before I crash.

I have had a very busy past few weeks. I went to Florida from Wednesday the 7th to Sunday the 11th of this month for the Phi Theta Kappa International Convention. Phi Theta Kappa is an Honors Society for two year college students. I had a blast! I loved representing the state of Iowa and I had a ton of fun with my fellow regional members. I made a few friends who I hope will still keep in touch.

Last Wednesday J and I broke up for a few days. Those three days were some of the hardest I have ever had. I have great friends who offered me endless support and without them I would have been in a very dark place. I was hurt and now I have a little bit of a trust issue but I'm sure it will go away with time. J and I have decided to start over and slow things down.

This summer I'm working at a summer camp :) I had a phone interview last week and I was offered a position on the spot! Yeah, I'm a stud! lol
With me working at camp it's going to force J and I to take things slow. We won't get to see each other as often which I am dreading but I am also thinking of it as a good thing. We can date each other and do this the right way hopefully without letting our emotions get the best of us.

So, now I'm off to bed because right now it is almost 1 am. I have school and I need to be rested so I can get all of my work done before the end of the semester. I am a chronic procrastinator and no amount of stress or feeling overwhelmed will teach me not to be. I'm incredibly stubborn. I will find a way to get everything done because I'm a stud and I always seem to pull it off. I have major skills ;) lol Okay, I'm done being cocky.

The end of a fun ride.

I'm running on about 4 1/2 hours of sleep. It's probably less because I kept waking up.
I have always been careful and kind of weary of dating because I never wanted to get my heart broken. I had to make sure that the person I chose to let into my life and my heart was someone so special that no one else could possibly fill that space. I thought I had found her.
From the moment we started talking I knew something was there. We both knew what we wanted and didn't want to mess around. We have so much in common yet we are total opposites. We complemented each other. We fit into this easy rhythm. I beared my heart and soul to her.
Then we started to get to know each other more, we got comfortable and our real personalities came out. I thought this would be a good thing.

I wish I hated her because somehow I think that would make this all easier.
If this is really what she wants then our relationship is over.
I still want to be friends because she means more to me than she'll ever know.

Homework.. UGH!

For as long as I can remember homework has always been a constant battle with me. I always had latework and missing assignments in elementary and middle school because I hated doing my homework. I would pass every test with flying colors but you wouldn't know it if you looked at my grades. In junior high the late work policy was strict and it was enforced. If you had one missing assignment you failed the class. The teachers would accept latework which was a god send for me. Getting half credit for an assignment instead of a zero was way better than failing out of junior high.
Once I got to highschool the teachers were way more lenient. My freshman year is one that I really don't like to remember at least the academic portion. I've always like science and my freshman year I had to take a Physical Science class. It was just a basic introductory course. I was bored. I liked the class and I knew the material but doing daily work was a struggle for me. I was one of those kids in highschool that you just wanted to punch in face because I never had to study for anything. I never studied for my science tests and I aced them every time. My teacher didn't understand me. Usually students do well on the daily work portion and poorly on the tests and quizzes portion of the class. What I'm saying is, if I know the material then I'm less likely to do the homework over it because it bores me. I already understand it so why do I need more practice?
I grew out of this phase my sophomore year of highschool and it has carried through until last semester. My fall semester grades were excellent. I loved school but now that I look back I hardly ever had homework. This semester I am taking a film class because I need a humanities credit and I have at least one paper due every week. It only needs to be a page long but actually sitting down and doing it is daunting. I hate it! I am behind in this class and I should have worked on it over spring break but I had no motivation. It also doesn't help that the films we have been watching just bore me to death. I have almost fallen asleep during the films for the past three weeks. We are supposed to be active viewers and we have to look at the cinematography and all sorts of stuff. It's hard to be an active viewer when the film does not hold my attention. I have a newfound appreciation for French films but that doesn't mean I have to like them.
I have learned something from this. No matter how much I hate homework and no matter how much of a battle it is I still shouldn't lie to my girlfriend about it. I just have to realize that she's not my mom and she's not going to lecture me but that fear is ingrained in my head and it's hard to break habits.

Beautiful Blogger!

This BBA has its rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

I want to give a big thank you to my wonderful girlfriend Jessi! She really is too cute to be gay :) lol http://individualincredibleme.blogspot.com

Okay so I have to come up with 7 things about me that I haven't already shared. Here goes...
1. I have a slight case of OCD. Everything in my room has it's place and said things should be in their places at all times. My bookshelf is uber-organized. It's way too complicated to explain, you'll have to see for yourself.
2. I am obsessed with chapstick. I always have chapstick and if I don't I feel lost without it. I like just the regular old chapstick even though my girlfriend says it tastes like butt. How she knows what butt tastes like, I don't know. I didn't ask.
3. I love The Little Mermaid. Ariel is the best Disney Princess ever!
4. I am fiercely independent. I like to do things myself. Just because I'm a girl and I'm little doesn't mean I can't do things. I also don't like when other people pay for me. I feel insulted even if they are just trying to take care of me ;) Jessi.
5. I am forever grateful to my friends and family for supporting me and loving me for who I am.
6. I like to sing in the car and I think I'm getting pretty good at it :) I've never had a voice lesson in my life but it helps that I have a musical ear. Thank you 8 years of band!
7. Speaking of band... I played in the school band for 8 years. I started out on the clarinet. I was pretty much an instrument whore. I played keyboard percussion, I taught myself how to play flute and trumpet. In my junior year I got to play the oboe in concert band. I loved it! Playing the oboe was one of the best experiences of my life. It also played into my independent streak. I was my own section and I was in charge of myself, my instrument and my music. I didn't have a section leader to answer to.

Now to pass on this lovely award :)

1. This first one is a former English teacher of mine. I enjoy reading excerpts that she posts and other ideas for her novels.
http://jillwheeler.blogspot.com

2. I really enjoy this blog :) She goes by lezstar and blogs about everything lesbian. I really like reading about her take on lesbian issues from Constance McMillen to her own coming out story.
http://allthingslesbeau.blogspot.com

3. I know that Jessi passed on the award to The Surprise Dyke in her blog. I can't help but do the same :) Her blog posts always make me smile whether they are recapping a funny moment in her classroom, a funny conversation she had with her girlfriend or just one that she over heard while at work they always have me rolling!
http://thesurprisedyke.blogspot.com

4. This blogger is also one of my former English teachers. Her posts are mainly about her two wonderful little boys :) Her blog is mainly for keeping friend and family updated. Her layout is super cute! If you want to see two of the most adorable little boys be sure to check her out!
http://jessandiwanwilliams.blogspot.com

That's all I got. Go check them out!

I decided that when I'm talking about my girlfriend I'm just going to call her Jessi instead of J. She has her own blog with her name on it so what's with all the fake anonymity?

Family and Facebook

So.. I wasn't thinking properly when I saw that my grandma now has a facebook and requested to be her friend.
My dad's mom is on facebook now. Two family members suggested that I be friends with her. I sent her a friend request thinking "Oh she'll see this in about a month. That's plenty of time for me to tell her that I'm gay and that I'm dating J." Boy was I wrong. I got home from school today and saw that she had accepted my friend request and commented on one of my posts about J.
Lucky for me I have a second cousin who is gay and lives in California with her girlfriend/partner and their two adopted daughters. Grandma adores them. I knew she would be okay with me being gay but I just couldn't find the right time to tell her. I'm pretty sure that she suspected though because of all the conversations we had about marriage equality and civil rights (notice I didn't say 'gay rights'. We are not special we are just normal people who deserve the rights that everyone else has).
I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't get to tell her about J in person. She deserves to hear it from me, not from facebook. I guess I just have to deal with it.
I don't want to brag but while I'm on the subject of telling my family, I'm going to say that everyone in my family knows that I'm gay and they are all really cool about it. I'm actually waiting for someone not to be. I don't understand how I got so lucky to have a family who accepts and loves me for who I am. Not everybody has that and I feel so lucky and extremely grateful that I do. I don't have to keep J a secret from them, not that I could even if I had to. She's just so amazing that I have to share it with everybody :)

Hippos and Daisies

My girl makes me happy in more ways than I could ever possibly imagine. :) I wanted to do something for her that showed how much I really appreciate her. She told me that she likes Hippos but she didn't have a stuffed Hippo because she could never find one. So I made it my personal mission to find my girl a stuffed Hippo.

And what do you know, I found one :) She loves her Hippo.


J and Maggie :)

Now she wasn't the only one to get a present. She brought me a present too :) My present won't last as long as a Hippo but I love it just as much! J got me white daisies. Now, I'm not a flower kind of girl. I don't really like flowers but there's something about daisies. Ever since I was little I have always had something that had daisies on it.